Accident, Give me that car!
by Byakugan Hyuga
Summary: This is the stupidest, randomnest, weirdest story ever. It's about Neji killing people, so if you want to read it.....then go ahead.


This story is not like any other I have written, it's strange for such a change. This change however will not stay.

Warning: Major OOCness, stupidness, randomness and anything else the is just plain weird.

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Neji blinked rapidly as the police shone the light in his face.

"You better tell us the truth this time." The officer said as he shone the light one again on the Hyuga.

Neji just sighed and decided there was no other choice.

"Well it started like any other day………."

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Neji walked out his door for his morning exercises.

He reached his front hate in front of his house and began stretching.

"Tweet, tweet." Neji let his lavender eyes fall on the gold coloured bird.

He stared deeply into it's eyes and let his mind erase.

"BAM!THWAMP!KAPOW!WHAM!BLAM!"

Neji had nothing to look at but a pile of feathers and legs still perched on the branch.

This was definitely not going to be a good day.

Of course when someone's in a really bad mood by a recent bird watch, they shouldn't be let behind the wheel ten seconds after.

Neji opened his black mustang and slammed the door.

He put the keys in the ignition and revved the engine to make himself feel more superior.

Instead of backing out of the driveway, he took the shortcut…..driving across your neighbours lawn.

He turned onto the highway and was surprised to find himself still upset. He sped up a bit, hoping it would take away some of the anger.

'That damn bird.'

He turned his head as he heard the horrible melody of Beethoven.

Neji saw his cousin driving her baby blue punch buggie on the lane beside his.

He cranked up his Angels and Airwaves CD (A band that just makes a lot of noise banging and strumming instruments).

If he was in a good mood he probably wouldn't mind the sound coming from Hinata's car.

"BAM!THWAMP!KAPOW!WHAM!BLAM!"

Neji unrolled his window to let the smoke out.

'First the damn bird then the useless radio.'

He needed to take his anger out - before he blew too.

His eyes travelled to his cousin again and then he smirked.

"You're in the main branch, huh? Let's see how strong you are." Neji screamed more to himself then the girl.

His Mustang crashed into her punch buggy and sent it into the barrier that separates the different ways.

He laughed with his hands in the air as he saw the smoke rise up from his cousin's car in the rear view mirror.

'Wait, no hands on the wheel.'

Neji slammed on the brakes, but actually hit the accelerating pedal.

Just as he realised how fast he was going, his car slammed into yet another car.

This one flipped when his Mustang struck the back bumper.

Neji over took it and saw Kiba crushed under the car.

"That's for always protecting Hinata……." Neji turned chibi. "…….and I'm scared of dogs."

'Wait, too small'

Chibi Neji played with the bottom of the steering wheel because he was too small to press the brakes and too small to see over the wheel.

'Why do I have to have it on automatic drive?'

Chibi Neji's car slammed into another thing.

Neji's face slowly rose over the wheel.

Shino lay on the pavement, his glasses cracked and a hole through him.

"Oh my God, I killed Shino."

Red and white smoke rose from Neji's shoulders.

He peered at the devil on his right and the angel on his left.

"You're not going to run away, are you? You can't kill anyone else." The angel said as he strummed a few chords on his instrument.

"Don't listen to him, he's trying to lead you down the path of righteous and I'm going to lead you down the path that rocks." The devil grinned.

"You can't! That's E.V.A.L." The Angel screamed.

"Isn't it supposed to be evil?" Neji asked his angel.

"No, it's E.V.A.L. Every Villain Attacks Losers." The angel explained.

"I can give you two reasons why you should listen to me. One, he has a sissy string instrument." The devil said as he pointed at the instrument in the angel's arms.

"We've been over this before, it's a harp." The angel said with a nod.

"Ya and that's a dress." He pointed at the Angel's outfit.

"It's a robe!" The angel yelled at the little horned devil Neji.

"Reason number two, look what I can do." The devil did a one hand handstand on Neji's right shoulder.

"I can do that too but, how will that help me kill?" Neji asked his devil.

"Fine, fine. You can pick." The devil crossed his arms and turned away.

"Well, since I can't use Enimeenimineymoe (the catch the tiger by the tail thing) because I have to keep my hands on the wheel….I'll pick the devil." Neji nodded at his brilliancy.

"WHAT! Why?" The angel stared at him in disbelief.

"Simple. I'm right handed." Neji said to the now fading angel.

"Neji? Neji?" A voice interrupted Neji's little conversation.

"What! Can't you see your interrupting something!" Neji yelled at the annoying blonde.

On the other side of the barrier was Naruto.

Neji looked at his shoulders and saw his angel and devil had disappeared.

"What happened to Shino?" Naruto asked after a long pause.

"He was a creep." Neji answered quickly.

"Which has something to do with his sudden death because…….." Naruto gave Neji a very confused look.

"Everyone knows authors always kill the creepy people first." Neji said as he winked at Byakugan Hyuga.

"But, he was only doing his job." Naruto wailed.

Neji looked at the body to see Shino in a cross guard outfit. At the side of the rode stood a bug crossing sign.

"Hang on a second." Neji backed his mustang so that it was facing Naruto's jeep.

"Can you back up a little?" Neji asked as he pulled out monster truck wheels from his car's trunk.

"No problem." Naruto set his Jeep into reverse and then parked after he backed up a little.

Neji pulled out a screwdriver from no where and hooked up the monster wheels.

Now he felt superior.

He pressed down on the accelerator putting as much chakra as possible into his foot.

The monster wheels drove over the barrier and the screaming Naruto.

"He strikes again! That's for beating me in the Chunin exams!" Neji yelled as he continued driving on the wrong side of the road.

"Just what I need."

Neji glared at the approaching mini van.

Ino paid no attention to the road but, her reflection. A mirror was placed on the dashboard where she put lipstick on, talked on her cell phone and kept her elbow on the steering wheel to keep going straight.

Neji grinned when the girl saw him about to ram into her.

She screamed which only made Neji happier.

Batman music played in his head as he again killed another victim.

"Thats for being a dumb blonde that never stalked me like the other fangirls." Neji yelled at the destroyed mini van.

'Tenten never stalked me! She only called Sasuke cute!'

"It's all his fault!" Neji glared at the sports car in front of him.

"I challenge you!" Neji drove his car up to Sasuke's.

"You're on." Sasuke out his black sun glasses on, with flames on the sides.

"So you like fire, Neji devil I need you." Neji shook his shoulders.

The Macarina song began to play as Neji did a little dance with his shoulders.

"Pray to god I don't end up like him." Sasuke muttered to no one as Neji finally finished his dance.

"Ready, Set……GO!" The old man tried to get out of the way but, was crushed by both vehicles.

They were equally matched.

'A little cheating will never hurt.'

"You called." Neji's devil finally appeared.

"I need your trident." Neji said as he let Sasuke take the lead.

The trident was given to Neji and set afire.

With much luck it hit his target and Sasuke's sports car went into flames. Sasuke though was able to jump out in time.

"He's the devil!" Sasuke screamed as he tripped over a plastic cup which led to him falling off the cliff.

"No way! I'm the devil!" Zabuza appeared from no where.

"BAM!THWAMP!KAPOW!WHAM!BLAM!"

Zabuza and Sasuke's car lived happily ever after, in some very hot evil place where the devil lives.

"Bonus." Neji passed the finish line and witnessed Zabuza's death.

Neji got out of Musty- his mustang and peered over the cliff.

"And thats for being to cute for my liking." Neji turned in satisfaction.

Yet Neji didn't know that Sasuke is on a greater adventure.

Sasuke's body continued to drift down the streams. The current continued to grow before he reached rapids the a waterfall. After weeks of floating he finally ended up in the bottom of the marsh. There he became fossilised.

"And that's why students we are here today." A random teacher said to her classroom as she pointed into the marsh where the great Sasuke was fossilised.

Neji turned in the direction of the fast approaching object.

The boulder smashed Musty to pieces, leaving a weeping Neji.

I need a car!" Neji ran and ran until his poor little feet were wet.

Actually, he was under water.

"Bikini bottom." Neji read the sign displayed infront of him.

"Hehehehe."

"Tehetehe."

"Tehehete."

Neji stared at the starfish and sponge who were blowing bubbles.

"I want those bubbles." Neji glared at the two nutcases.

"Use your manners." Sponge bob said.

"Give me the god damn bubbles!" Neji yelled at the yellow sponge.

Patrick gave Neji the bottle of bubble soap.

"Hey, were all friends. Can you show me Mermaid Man's and Barnicle Boy's secret hideout?" Neji asked with a Barbie smile.

"Friends!" Patrick and Sponge Bob said with huge smiles.

The two started talking quickly as they grabbed Neji's hands.

When they reached the hideout, Neji proceeded his robbery.

Putting the rod into the bubble mix, he was able to make the best attack ever.

Stopping Crime, it's the Powerpuff girls.

"Blossom." Neji's long hair was pulled back and clipped with a bow.

"Buttercup." Patrick put on a black wig.

"Bubbles." Sponge Bob put elastics on the corners of his head, creating the visual affect of pigtails.

"What is this?" Barnicle Boy asked the approaching gir…..erm men.

"Give me your invisible car!" Neji yelled as he practised blowing bubbles.

"HAHA! You'll never find it!" Barnicle Boy's nose twitched as he laughed.

"Why?" Sponge Bob asked the Bikini retired Super heroes.

"We can't even find it, it's invisible." Mermaid man said as if it was a ghost story.

"Byakugan." Neji's eyes became sharper and the veins around his eyes popped out.

Neji pressed the uninvisble button and the vehicle appeared in front of them.

"What can I repay you for finding out boat?" Mermaid man asked with awe.

"I want his cape…….." Mermaid man gives him Barnicle's boy cape, "And your invisible vehicle!"

Neji jumped in the vehicle and set it into drive, he then was able to fly out of Bikini Bottoms.

When he was out of the water and finally flying around the clouds, was he able to slow down.

Suddenly a brown cloud appeared from no where and it was impossible for him to miss it.

He landed in a giant bowl of pudding where he saw Choji.

The boy was swimming and eating toward the plug at the bottom.

'So stupid.'

Neji swam for the top and was enlarged when he reached it.

Neji now looked down into the sink full of pudding.

"Your a danger to society….and cars." Neji said as he remembered the boulder running over Musty.

This made him pull the plug and he watched as Choji twirled and then sunk into the hole.

After Choji was gone, Neji began thinking.

It was actually him that was a danger to society.

'No more killing.'

Neji found his invisible boat and headed towards his Sensei's and team-mates' house.

Neji arrived at their house to find a note, he was suppose to meet them at the zoo.

He decided not to take the car because whenever he got into a vehicle, he would have this sudden urge to kill.

He sulked for awhile until he found a four pony tailed girl walking down the street in his direction.

'Might as well start my kindness now.'

"I got this cape, it's a special one." Neji gave her a sweet smile.

She took the cape with gratitude and continued on her way.

Neji walked in the direction Temari had just come from and sure enough he found Kankuro.

The boy was sitting in his sand box being careful not to annoy the sand.

Neji took a seat beside him in the sandbox.

He then span and span so the sand would end up everywhere, what type of person doesn't like sand?

In the end, Kankuro ended up buried alive.

Neji continued to sulk as he walked to the park.

'I was born to be a killer, people can't change.'

Sitting on a bench in front of the park was Gaara.

Neji decided to entertain the youngest sand ninja.

He set up a puppet show.

The red curtains were opened after Neji had organised the characters.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!" Gaara screamed as soon as he saw the puppet.

Neji glanced at the Green frog and then at the now motionless red head.

_Flashback_

_Disneyland._

"_Go hug him Gaara, puppets are the best." Kankuro told his 4 year old brother._

_Gaara tip toed up to Kermit and gave him a hug._

_The frog starting squeezing the little boy so much his eyes were bulging._

"_It's me Gaara, it's Auntie Lucy." Kermit said._

"_AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA" Gaara screamed as he tried to escape the huge bear huge._

_End of Flashback_

Neji stared at the boy that had died recently from a heart attack.

He then ran quickly, hoping his car would bring happiness.

'Atleast I made one sand sibling happy.'

Temari rode on her fan higher and higher.

She watched as the beautiful cape blew behind her.

An airplane drove beside her and she waved at the passengers.

Then the jet pulled her cape and she went with it.

Unfortunately, this sand sibling did not make it either.

Neji finally reached his car and hopped inside.

He activated his Byakugan so there were no possibilities of him hitting anyone.

Of course, even the Byakugan has it's downfalls.

Neji backed up and ended up hitting a big bump.

The Byakugan has a blindspot.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ITACHI!" Kisame ran out to the boy that was lying under the car.

'I killed another!'

Neji heard the sirens coming and didn't bother to run, he did kill someone.

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"And thats pretty much what happened." Neji now told Shikamaru, the judge.

"He ran over my poor Itachi, I warned him to look both ways but…..but." Kisame pulled out a rather large tissue and began wiping his nose.

"GUILTY! For murder and theft." Shikamaru announced.

"Let me ask you one question Neji, why did you kill Itachi?" Shikamaru asked the extremely quiet Hyuga.

"HE WAS IN MY BLIND SPOT!" Neji screamed to all that was listening.

"The excuse of every driver." Shikamaru said as he slammed down his mallet.

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Neji was sent to live in Sandy's underwater dome.

For his hours to get out of Jail (plus 25 years for killing) he had to:

Let Squidward teach him the clarinet

Be taught how to be a real power puff girl

Go to Mrs. Puffs boating school

Find Mermaid Man's and Barnicle boy's boat whenever they can't find it (every 15 minutes)

No longer chose his devil over his now master harp player angel

No longer listen to Angels and Airwaves

Stay under water, where no birds will ever live

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Just in case your thinking I'm insane for writing this, it was because I was high off of grapejuice. Maybe I was drunk? Whenever I drink grapejuice, I lose my mind. It was a very rainy night, my friend and I were on an island in a leaking tent, drinking grapejuice. I totally lost my mind and ended up writing this. Crazy times call for Crazy stories.


End file.
